The Quantum Conundrum

Firstly, this is not a post about science, but an attempt to narrate yet another quirky experience of mine in this wonderful city called Delhi.


Ready? 
Great!

Time to roll back the clock,children.

Second semester, and we'd just made the happy discovery that our syllabus included a course on quantum mechanics. However, nobody could have been more chuffed about it than my friend and batch mate Aman; he was positively brimming with glee at the prospect of digesting another bunch of arcane mathematical equations which every subject seems to reduce to. Bless him.

In a celebratory mood, he decided to regale me with the story of Schrödinger's cat during the metro ride back home. I would have preferred an ice cream any day. Even a vanilla cup would do.

Anyway, for those who can follow the intricacies, its supposedly a landmark experiment that would probably dazzle you with its sheer ingenuity. However, for stalwarts like me, it was plain hokum. Schrödinger cooked up a fiendish idea chiefly involving a cat shut in a box. Lots of scientific blahs occur, with the earth shaking conclusion that the cat ends up being dead and alive simultaneously. See what I mean about this being all hokum?

Yes? 

Very good.

Didn't get it?
Even better.

Now let us leave the murky world of mad scientists and picture ourselves in the crowded metro coach in which we were travelling. 
The fat aunty? 
Check. 
The bawling kid(s)? 
Check.
The spiked-hair dude brandishing the expensive cell phone? 
Check.
The smelly uncles belching and farting in a synchronised manner?
Check.


Wonderful, now that all the passengers are in place, we may proceed with our seemingly pointless tale. Pray,do bear with me for a bit longer, you shall see what I'm driving at.


"So, according to quantum mechanics........." hollered Aman, stressing on yet another inconsequential point about that annoying cat.


"But quantum mechanics doesn't necessarily mean.........." I hollered back.


"Agla station Tilak Nagar hai," screamed the constipated voice from the public address system in the train.


"Can you believe it....she's SUCH a bitch!!!" shrieked the girl with oversized sunglasses to her 100% bitch-free group.


"You're confusing it with classical mechanics. Its quantum mechanics... QUANTUM," Aman reiterated his point, trying to ignore the voices of the non-pathetic people (read, everybody except the two of us).


"So what if its QUANTUM?" I said, imitating him.


And so we went on with this astonishingly witty conversation for a few more minutes.


It was at this point that I noticed the other passengers' interest in our debate. The aunty was frowning slightly in our direction, a couple of girls sniggered and quickly looked away and a bunch of rowdy college boys were openly chortling and high five-ing each other when they noticed that we were aware of them listening in on us. A few other passengers in our vicinity also registered expressions from that of mild curiosity, to extreme hilarity. 


Aman frowned at me, puzzled. I shrugged back, absolutely clueless as to why a coach load of passengers found, of all things, a topic as abstruse as this interesting to the point of being funny. Anyway, we got down at our station and kept walking silently towards the exit, still rather nonplussed about the whole affair.


And then it hit us, almost simultaneously. From this side of the fence, you could term it as funny, and a bit embarrassing too. We were still laughing when we parted ways for home.


Therein, we come to the end of our story.  If you realised what had actually transpired, then a wink-wink-nudge-nudge for you.
If not, the least I can do for you is provide an explanation for sticking by me so far. Very well, once again, imagine yourself to be in the noisy train compartment, with two dorks hooting 'quantum' every thirty seconds. Now, by the time our conversation reached your ears, the incessant clattering of the wheels, the prattling of the other passengers, the constant reminders from the public address system, and of course, your penchant for the good things in life, have distorted the revered scientific word into a very popular brand of contraceptive device. 


Yes, our entire conversation had been perceived by the others as two baboons indulging in a heated debate about condoms. Hence, the unnatural and widespread interest. At least we could take solace in the fact that we were promoting safe sex, ergo we had done our good turn for the day.


What say you? :)




PS- A big thank you to Ezazi for my first award :) You can read about her here.


Cheers! :)