The Quantum Conundrum

Firstly, this is not a post about science, but an attempt to narrate yet another quirky experience of mine in this wonderful city called Delhi.

Time to roll back the clock,children.

Second semester, and we'd just made the happy discovery that our syllabus included a course on quantum mechanics. However, nobody could have been more chuffed about it than my friend and batch mate Aman; he was positively brimming with glee at the prospect of digesting another bunch of arcane mathematical equations which every subject seems to reduce to. Bless him.

In a celebratory mood, he decided to regale me with the story of Schrödinger's cat during the metro ride back home. I would have preferred an ice cream any day. Even a vanilla cup would do.

Anyway, for those who can follow the intricacies, its supposedly a landmark experiment that would probably dazzle you with its sheer ingenuity. However, for stalwarts like me, it was plain hokum. Schrödinger cooked up a fiendish idea chiefly involving a cat shut in a box. Lots of scientific blahs occur, with the earth shaking conclusion that the cat ends up being dead and alive simultaneously. See what I mean about this being all hokum?

Very good.

Didn't get it?
Even better.

Now let us leave the murky world of mad scientists and picture ourselves in the crowded metro coach in which we were travelling. 
The fat aunty? 
The bawling kid(s)? 
The spiked-hair dude brandishing the expensive cell phone? 
The smelly uncles belching and farting in a synchronised manner?

Wonderful, now that all the passengers are in place, we may proceed with our seemingly pointless tale. Pray,do bear with me for a bit longer, you shall see what I'm driving at.

"So, according to quantum mechanics........." hollered Aman, stressing on yet another inconsequential point about that annoying cat.

"But quantum mechanics doesn't necessarily mean.........." I hollered back.

"Agla station Tilak Nagar hai," screamed the constipated voice from the public address system in the train.

"Can you believe it....she's SUCH a bitch!!!" shrieked the girl with oversized sunglasses to her 100% bitch-free group.

"You're confusing it with classical mechanics. Its quantum mechanics... QUANTUM," Aman reiterated his point, trying to ignore the voices of the non-pathetic people (read, everybody except the two of us).

"So what if its QUANTUM?" I said, imitating him.

And so we went on with this astonishingly witty conversation for a few more minutes.

It was at this point that I noticed the other passengers' interest in our debate. The aunty was frowning slightly in our direction, a couple of girls sniggered and quickly looked away and a bunch of rowdy college boys were openly chortling and high five-ing each other when they noticed that we were aware of them listening in on us. A few other passengers in our vicinity also registered expressions from that of mild curiosity, to extreme hilarity. 

Aman frowned at me, puzzled. I shrugged back, absolutely clueless as to why a coach load of passengers found, of all things, a topic as abstruse as this interesting to the point of being funny. Anyway, we got down at our station and kept walking silently towards the exit, still rather nonplussed about the whole affair.

And then it hit us, almost simultaneously. From this side of the fence, you could term it as funny, and a bit embarrassing too. We were still laughing when we parted ways for home.

Therein, we come to the end of our story.  If you realised what had actually transpired, then a wink-wink-nudge-nudge for you.
If not, the least I can do for you is provide an explanation for sticking by me so far. Very well, once again, imagine yourself to be in the noisy train compartment, with two dorks hooting 'quantum' every thirty seconds. Now, by the time our conversation reached your ears, the incessant clattering of the wheels, the prattling of the other passengers, the constant reminders from the public address system, and of course, your penchant for the good things in life, have distorted the revered scientific word into a very popular brand of contraceptive device. 

Yes, our entire conversation had been perceived by the others as two baboons indulging in a heated debate about condoms. Hence, the unnatural and widespread interest. At least we could take solace in the fact that we were promoting safe sex, ergo we had done our good turn for the day.

What say you? :)

PS- A big thank you to Ezazi for my first award :) You can read about her here.

Cheers! :)


  1. *wink-wink-nudge-nudge* :P hahahhahahaha :D
    nice one.. liked it :)

    "Agla station Tilak Nagar hai," screamed the constipated voice from the public address system in the train.
    "Can you believe it....she's SUCH a bitch!!!" shrieked the girl with oversized sunglasses to her 100% bitch-free group.

    Very obviously, I was laughing my a*** off when you concluded ;D :D

    felt like snippets of Big Bang Theory.. :D wanted to leave some hearts but sparing you this time :P :P and oh *wink-wink-nudge-nudge* :D

  3. Well, this sounds even better of what actually happened that day. Kudos!

  4. @Aman-Yep, I invented a couple of passengers just to make it sound better... I don't actually remember the people who were there around us that day :)

    @Ananya- 'Hokum' is Sheldon's favourite word, but we did know about Schrodinger's cat before BBT made it even more popular :)

    @Nick- Haha nudge-nudge-wink-wink to you too :P

  5. Hahahahahahahaaa LOL. I'm such a tubelight, I realized it a little late. OMG hahahahaha! Now onder everybody was oh so interested in you people ka convo! :P

  6. ROFLMBO, I caught the joke the moment the word Quantum was stressed upon; like they say, great minds think alike :D

    Was expecting a Bazinga at the end in place of the explanation, but the ending was just as hilarious.

  7. Oh man! The way things are misinterpreted :)
    And the way people have nothing to do, apart from listening to what other people are talking :)
    Your blogs make me laugh :D
    Loved it! :D

  8. plz include a :O in the firs impulse!:P
    i tried pronouncing the Q word in every possible way(my mom actually was staring at me:p)!
    Good one!:D

  9. @Blahblaholic- We realised it late too :D And I remember Mallika Sherawat's words, "Only sex and SRK sells." This is ample proof, how a simple IMAGINED conversation about condoms had almost everyone around us gawping. :P

    @Atrocious- High five :D :D perversion is the foundation of greatness XD Thanks so much, do drop by again :D

    @Chintan- Yes,Blogwati. As fancy as they come :D :D Cheers!! :D

    @Philo- I don't know, but if you're from Delhi, then you're probably familiar with what happens inside the metro :D Thanks so much, do come by again. Cheers :D :D

    @Aditi- hahahahahaha you should've told her you're practising for some TPP on quantum physics :D :D

  10. I did NOT get the part about the cat, precisely the reason I kept far away from science since I was given a choice. Am I right in assuming it's an actual cat, atleast:P

    And I can only chortle about the rest. I keep imagining it:D

    Please take out word verification, pretty please:'(

  11. hahahaha....i can imagine what you went through....hahahah...i can actually visualise the whole situation!! Amusing.

  12. Obviously people would find the word funny/uncomfortable- have you noticed the rising populaton? They hardly use it, hence the discomfort when they hear someone referring to it in public.

    P.S:- Why you changed your blog-name? :(

  13. @Priyanka- It was a 'thought based experiment' on his part, as in he conjectured that if a cat (could as well have been a velociraptor, makes no difference :P) was shut in the box with a vial of poison and a Geiger counter (don't remember the actual details), so and so COULD happen; he didn't carry it out in the actual sense. Yeah, I removed word verification. Cheers :D

    @Hijibijbij- Guess it could have been worse :D Thanks :)

    @Spaceman- Hahahaa :D Guess it kept pricking their conscience :D :D As for the blog name, well actually no reason; in fact the only thing I liked about ZNMD was Bagwati, so... :P
    BUT, I'm still a hardcore member of the C-MEN ;) :D

  14. QUANTUM mechanics! How i hate any type of mechanics! Gave me too much trouble in the 1st year... Although a did take a while to realize what the deal was with 'Quantum' in this post.
    *sighs* people in trains... :|

  15. Well, I'm not from Delhi, but yes, I do know what it is like :) Not less in local trains :P

  16. @Nim- There's not much to do anyway until you have some reading material or the ubiquitous phone+MP3 player :D

    @Philo- Yep I guess it can be taken as a general case :D

  17. I changed from Science to commerce after 2 mths of taking it!
    I am so happy about tht :P
    Funny read!1
    BLOGWATI!! Thumbs up on tht one!
    sorry for being so late to comment!

  18. hahaha...Quantum as condom...superbly funny....haha...could imagine the faces of people around you....simple circumstances in life sometimes throw hilarious moments :)


  19. @Red- I see you're in a 'village' as you put it :D :D Well, has its 'Woot!' moments too, but mostly its lala land stuff like these :P As for Blogwati, no prizes for guessing the source of the name :D Cheers!!

    @Kunal- Exactly, nobody cared to hear the 'mechanics', everyone kept fixating on the 'quantum' part. The people did enjoy a nice tamasha at our expense :D Thanks for dropping by, and do visit again! :)

  20. There's no place to breathe in local buses and in metros :)
    And someone or the other always keep staring :P
    Waiting for your next post :) They are always so funny, I love reading them :)

  21. you know what
    awwsumnesss u create with your terrific science gyan..! :P
    thank GOD i never opted for it :P :P :P
    pity your condition..!
    following you now
    and keep writing such stuff..!

  22. @Philo- Yeah, but the metros in Delhi include a separate ladies' coach now, so no sweat for the fairer sex :P And next post is right up after my sessionals, which is precisely the reason I'm up even now :O

    @Suvaiba- Welcome, and thank you so much!! Glad you liked it :)
    Arey you could have taken it, its pretty nice at times :P Thanks for the follow, will zip by to your blog soon :)

  23. Even Local trains do have a separate coach :) But then, can't have people sticking around all the time :P
    Up at 3:30 AM?? Haha!

  24. Hello:

    Funny tale. I good instruction on how good we humans are as communicators. If you reflect on this one can come to some conclusions at how much reality or truth we have in our governments, media, or any institution you wish to name.

    And yes, I have studied quantum mechanical principles in the past.

    Take care,

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That was hilarious. =))
    Ican imagine, I travel via mumbai locals too, and have been in similar situations. :P

  26. Omgeeee, thankyou for the tag!=D I see you got how to! ;) The new name? I likey. Your posts? I LURVE!=D

  27. @Mike- thanks :) Did you like the subject? :)

    @Shagun- ah! the Mumbai locals are legendary :) :) I visited the city when I was three, and all I remember about it is the hotel New Castle in Khar, where we stayed. Wo ab bhi hai? :)

    @Philo- Last exam tomorrow, I've been on night duty the whole week :P

    @Ezazi- Hahaa thanks, did you like ZNMD? :D I DID finally manage to tag you, indeed :D

  28. I only know one Ruth, Brandon Routh :D

  29. hahaha! to be honest I think if I were there I would be laughing at you guys having such a serious discussion about such a (to me) obscure topic!
    But yes, you were promoting safe sex. Good on you!
    And: I <3 your blog, I followed:)

  30. lmao...

    oh btw ,follow Blogwati - Checked ;)

  31. lol....very well written
    loved it..:)

  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

  33. Hillarious :)..Can totally imagine how the Fat Aunty would have reacted :P
    And LOL to the list of people travelling in the metro.. Have been travelling in Delhi Metro for more than an year and I must say there is practically no change in the kind of people who commute. :)..

    1. Yes, except for the Fat Aunty Polarisation Effect towards the 'gadi ki gati ki disha me pehla dibba, jo mahilao ke lie aarakshit hai' :P